it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)
Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.
I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!
Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.
March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.
My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.
Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...
Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:
1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.
Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.
I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.
Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).
Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.
And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.
She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.
People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.
Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".
People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.
I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice.
Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.
Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.
--
Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.
I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.
Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.
This is the first year when I can’t do that.
Please go do it on my behalf, while it’s possible.
it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)
Same here. I’m sorry for your loss and may her memory be a blessing.
If you need someone to talk to I’m here.
Coming up on 3 years here. I felt this. Can also confirm this is based advice.
My second. Most of the time it's fine, but... today it hit me. I don't have a mother anymore.
So, yeah. Call while you can.
Unless you're in the UK in which case it was the 15th March and you've already done it (or already missed it)
And if you’re French, don’t worry, you didn’t miss it.
It’s the 31st of May
Yeah I learned that today! I wonder what's the reason behind the difference.
In the UK (and a few other places) it’s “Mothering Sunday”, the day you honour the church where you were baptised, or your mother church.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday
Fourth Sunday in Lent or something, very easy to forget it!
Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.
Before I got married and had kids I thought it was a dumb Hallmark holiday.
Now I think it's really significant and important to have an official day dedicated to recognize all the moms out there.
Happy mother's day to all the moms out there. And all the guys that made them moms :)
Happy Mothers Day to all the moms on HN
And Latvia
Is it always May 10 in the countries where it's now? In Spain is the first Sunday of the month.
In Poland it's on 26th of May.
Second Sunday of May in the US
Why do they do this? Why not just have a fixed date for these things? Is it so people can use the weekend to celebrate?
For Mother's Day, possibly, but it's not always the case. Thanksgiving is on the 4th Thursday of November.
Yes
Like in Portugal, I guess it is an Iberian thing.
HN’s demo is quite old. It’s likely most here are married with kids or have a dead mother.
The days of a young Silicon Valley are long gone.
I'll have a drink in her memory.
I'm sorry for your loss.
(in the US)
And a bunch of other countries like Switzerland, Tanzania, Belgium, India, Greece, Hong Kong, etc. [0]
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_th...
(and Turkey)
(and New Zealand)
(and The Netherlands)
And China, India, and many other large countries. Most of the world (by population) celebrates it today.
(+ Germany and Mexico)
(And Venezuela)
(and India)
(and Australia)
(and Brazil)
(and South Africa)
(And Canada)
Lost my mom 17 years ago. Don't be a chump; one day she won't be here and you will miss her in ways you never could have imagined.
I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!
How is it mother day isn't that 8 march
March 8th is International Women's Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Women%27s_Day).
Mother’s Day is different from country to country (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day)
Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.
8 March was an entirely different animal...
March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.
My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.
I feel some editorializing going on.
Here[0] is a list of many holidays that are ignored more than international women’s day.
Happy International Day of Plant Health to you!
0: https://www.un.org/en/observances/list-days-weeks
international day of plant health is on may 12, not today!
November 19 is international men's day. How many times have you gotten flowers on that day? Or Uber drivers wishing you a happy men's day?
The joke goes as following: Women are celebrated once a year... because men have the rest of the days.
lol. why arent we celebrated more
International men's day isn't a thing in the US either, so that's not surprising. Contrast to Mother's/Father's Day, which are.
// My partner frequently brags
March 8th is for the partners, mother's day is for the wives :)
Just kidding but couldn't resist.
Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...
I wouldn’t say that. I don’t believe a men’s day even exists.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Men%27s_Day
Happy mother's day to any mothers here!
"I don't have mother" That's why I came to hear
Respect. It's a good day to remember the impact they had even if they are no longer around to pick up the phone. Btw calling her now.
I am happy for all those who celebrate.
Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:
1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.
2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...
Yep. My parents went to prison for child abuse.
Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.
I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.
Not everywhere, in Portugal it is the first May's Sunday.
I have just come to HN from I was actually helping my mother in pressing legs as her legs sometimes hurt from pain :-(
Gonna go help my mom again in massaging her legs, Okay shes asking me to help now, bye!
She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.
Not all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that.
Every parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents.
Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).
Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.
And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.
Hating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent.
This is patently and absurdly false.
Yes it does.
Give her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.
Bad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent.
> the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.
You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.
Despising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone.
She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.
People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.
Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".
People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.
I'm sorry :-(
You should call her
I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice.
Hard disagree.
Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.
Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.
--
Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.
I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.
Kids don't owe their parents anything.
Kids own their parents their very presence.
Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.
... why?
Lol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp
thx, I almost missed it
Appreciate the reminder,small post,big impact.Happy Mother's day to all moms here.