> Traditional marriage is the ultimate form of this ideal. You're supposed to stick to it until you die, no matter what, come hell or high water, even if it makes you and everybody around you miserable. That is neither sane nor healthy!
An interesting philosophy, but I don’t think marriage is the best place to apply it. Writing a README and then never starting a project has practically no consequences. Same for picking up a book and then ditching it after a few minutes. Marriage? That’s a whole different ball game, especially when children are involved.
SOFA works great for marriage, if you tweak the params a little. Most secular people arrive at this by default: You marry your 3rd serious partner sometime in your late 20’s.
Start a lot of long term relationships, finish the one that sticks when both partners are mature and more or less done growing up.
I think there’s another shakeup period (statistically) in your mid to late 40’s. That seems related to when kids start being old enough that they don’t act as a forcing function as much.
There's strong value in staying with a first partner, like a high school sweetheart. Growing together through life's challenges creates deep emotional bonds and shared experiences. Long-term stability comes from building trust over time and avoiding the emotional toll of repeated breakups.
Couples who navigate growth together often develop stronger, more resilient partnerships.
I highly censor myself on HN as I know most of my views are in the minority, but I'm happy to see your response.
To add to your point, I've also found that developing the relational skills necessary to bring a marriage relationship through tricky waters often leads to success in similar, but perhaps not so dire, circumstances.
It's also been common knowledge for some time now that children tend to do much better when stability is present in the home. If a child always thinks one of their parents might just up and leave one day, they tend to act accordingly (read: exhibit undesired behaviors).
I understand marriage isn't for everyone, and I certainly don't promote it as such, but I also wouldn't advise people to treat marriage as no more than something that can start today and end tomorrow, on a whim.
I think pretty much everyone falls into SOFA by default. If your goal is to start a software business, it's almost impossible to achieve that. You don't need to aim for it. It will happen by default.
To finish something in such a way that a customer will be willing to pull their credit card out and pay for it is a very difficult point to arrive at.
I never tried this approach and yet I have 7 failed projects under my belt. Only 1 was a success but it only lasted for 3 years.
As I age, I am getting better at finishing things. Partly because my side projects are intentionally more bite-sized.
Rather than write am application, maybe I will just write a module, or a useful script someone else can use to build or improve an application. I am much happier with this approach so far.
I finished all my projects, met all technical requirements which I set for myself but I only met user requirements for one project. Hence I got paid. Ironically, it was the one which required the least amount of work and where I contributed the least socio-economic value. 3 years of passive income literally fell on my lap. I didn't even write a single line of code for that one. Just spoke to a bunch of people a couple of times.
It's definitely a lot easier if you set yourself goals which don't depend on other people. Having goals which depend on things that are outside of your control is a sure way to become miserable.
> Traditional marriage is the ultimate form of this ideal. You're supposed to stick to it until you die, no matter what, come hell or high water, even if it makes you and everybody around you miserable. That is neither sane nor healthy!
An interesting philosophy, but I don’t think marriage is the best place to apply it. Writing a README and then never starting a project has practically no consequences. Same for picking up a book and then ditching it after a few minutes. Marriage? That’s a whole different ball game, especially when children are involved.
SOFA works great for marriage, if you tweak the params a little. Most secular people arrive at this by default: You marry your 3rd serious partner sometime in your late 20’s.
Start a lot of long term relationships, finish the one that sticks when both partners are mature and more or less done growing up.
I think there’s another shakeup period (statistically) in your mid to late 40’s. That seems related to when kids start being old enough that they don’t act as a forcing function as much.
And that's when those couples often get divorced.
There's strong value in staying with a first partner, like a high school sweetheart. Growing together through life's challenges creates deep emotional bonds and shared experiences. Long-term stability comes from building trust over time and avoiding the emotional toll of repeated breakups.
Couples who navigate growth together often develop stronger, more resilient partnerships.
I highly censor myself on HN as I know most of my views are in the minority, but I'm happy to see your response.
To add to your point, I've also found that developing the relational skills necessary to bring a marriage relationship through tricky waters often leads to success in similar, but perhaps not so dire, circumstances.
It's also been common knowledge for some time now that children tend to do much better when stability is present in the home. If a child always thinks one of their parents might just up and leave one day, they tend to act accordingly (read: exhibit undesired behaviors).
I understand marriage isn't for everyone, and I certainly don't promote it as such, but I also wouldn't advise people to treat marriage as no more than something that can start today and end tomorrow, on a whim.
I think this sounds good but is ultimately not good advice.
Finishing, as in will power, focus, and vision, is like a muscle that you can take to the gym.
This advice is the equivalent of going for a run one day and never picking up the habit. I don't think it will lead to fitness.
The antithesis of discipline, what could possibly go wrong living your life this way?
I think pretty much everyone falls into SOFA by default. If your goal is to start a software business, it's almost impossible to achieve that. You don't need to aim for it. It will happen by default.
To finish something in such a way that a customer will be willing to pull their credit card out and pay for it is a very difficult point to arrive at.
I never tried this approach and yet I have 7 failed projects under my belt. Only 1 was a success but it only lasted for 3 years.
As I age, I am getting better at finishing things. Partly because my side projects are intentionally more bite-sized.
Rather than write am application, maybe I will just write a module, or a useful script someone else can use to build or improve an application. I am much happier with this approach so far.
I finished all my projects, met all technical requirements which I set for myself but I only met user requirements for one project. Hence I got paid. Ironically, it was the one which required the least amount of work and where I contributed the least socio-economic value. 3 years of passive income literally fell on my lap. I didn't even write a single line of code for that one. Just spoke to a bunch of people a couple of times.
It's definitely a lot easier if you set yourself goals which don't depend on other people. Having goals which depend on things that are outside of your control is a sure way to become miserable.